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No More Waiting For It

I can’t really say for certain just how much time I spent waiting for it. There was always something.

The goals were sometimes big. For example, I remember being 12 years old and thinking about how I couldn’t wait until I was 16. That’s when I’d get my license, and maybe even buy a car. Boy, that will change EVERYTHING.

It did change quite a bit, for a while.

Other goals were small, such as looking forward to 3:00pm so I could get out of school.

Sometimes waiting is fine. It might even be necessary. Other times it is merely a dream or wish. And sometimes, it can be utter torture.

This kind of waiting can be broken out into two different situations.

The first kind came to light while engaged in a discussion during therapy. The therapist asked me if I was going to do anything fun over the weekend.

I said, “No.”

The therapist had his, “Awwww, c’mon!” moment when he suggested that maybe I should go visit my mother. To be really clear about it, this is something that I am always up for doing, regardless of my ability.

I told him that wasn’t possible. Of course, he was lost in his own wealth privilege, as people like him have the freedom [via finances] to do whatever they want with their time.

In a society driven by Capitalism, you CANNOT be free if you are poor. For the majority, it’s either Capitalism or Freedom. You cannot have both.

So I had to explain to him that I couldn’t do it because that kind of drive requires something called “gasoline,” and we acquire it with “money.” Then I explained to him that a 300-mile round trip takes a considerable amount of gasoline.

He countered, as a rich person would, with the notion that “money isn’t everything,” and that I needed to do it before it was too late. Of course, I had too poorsplain to him that, while this philosophy is correct, I cannot utter those words to the gas station attendant and then expect to get a tank fill-up.

After he responded that I really needed to take a road trip to visit my mother [which is something I would have LOVED to have been able to do], I asked him if he could rent a car for me, since mine had high mileage, and also put gas in it for me. You know, since money isn’t everything.

Hur-dur… you have to show your ID when purchasing cereal at the grocery store. The wealthy enjoy the type of privilege that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for them to relate to normal humans.

That would end up being our last session. He decided to engage me in a battle of wits while commenting on a normal American person’s life, while having NO understanding of a normal American person’s life at all.

So of course I would win that fight. Anyone who has had to make hard decisions with money could win that fight.

He wasn’t even capable of understanding the concept of NOT going to see a loved one because you can’t afford it.

In keeping with the theme of this entry, I would have to WAIT until I could afford to go visit.

This type of waiting might be even worse. It’s definitely devious, as well as dark.

This type of waiting came up after that last bit, and before the end of the session.

“Why not do something fun locally? Why not enjoy yourself?”

My answer to this query came straight from the mouth of someone who had been abused by the philosophies of American Capitalism.

“I don’t DESERVE to have fun until I land a job.”

I was spending every single moment of my life at the time on two different things. Either I was looking for work, or I was playing guitar.

The guitar only accounted for 30 minutes per day, so you can tell where the majority went. Plus, at this time in my life, I was learning advanced guitar ideas for the sake of learning, and played guitar for the sake of playing. I wasn’t enjoying it at all.

Looking for work was my job. It’s a job that pays shit, just so you know.

But it was true: I wasn’t allowed to have fun, be happy, smile, laugh, or enjoy life until I landed a job.

I had recently written an entry about Finding Purpose. Some people create their own purpose, while others might find it in their religious beliefs. Many find their purpose in work, even if they have a job that doesn’t make a difference in society.

For many Americans, work is their identity and their purpose. In America culture, the idea is that you are ALWAYS judged based on what you do for a living, your title, and how much money you earn.

Our society dictates that a person has value and purpose ONLY WHEN THEY ARE WORKING, but the work has to be that of an executive [at the bare minimum], and the pay has to be huge.

And it doesn’t matter if you were a powerful CEO for 25 years. The day after you lose that position, society and your personal inner circles will view you VERY differently. You have become the guy who USED TO have value.

Whenever you meet someone, one of the first questions they will ask is what you do for a living. I hate this question. Those who disagree with me will say that it’s just small talk to start up a conversation.

As an Autistic adult, you know that I do not like small talk. It is pointless. But that’s not why I hate that question.

The question of what you do for a living is something they ask you so that they can determine whether or not they should respect you, as well as whether or not they should even waste their time talking with you.

Tell them you’re an executive, and they’ll stay, move in closely, and listen. But tell them that you’re a janitor and they’ll suddenly have to run somewhere, but will be right back. Then they never return.

When you’re poor in America, you are not allowed to be happy. People will get in your face and pass judgment. And you will receive a constant reminder that ANYTHING resembling happiness or feeling good about yourself or life IS NOT FOR YOU! That’s for the people who “work hard.”

You have not EARNED the RIGHT to be happy.

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

Sure, you can tell yourself that you deserve to be happy, as you look into the mirror and engage your daily affirmations.

The problem with this is that you are only ONE person. Everyone and everything around you has been conditioned in such as way as to remind you that you do NOT deserve happiness until you earn it by having a job.

Friends, family, businesses. Everyone and everything you encounter will remind you of this.

This means that you’ll have to look into a mirror and re-affirm yourself about every 30-45 seconds. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

When you receive this message over and over again, that you are NOT worthy of happiness because you’ve not yet EARNED the right, it embeds itself right back into your soft noggin.

This is gaslighting. Gaslighting is where a person, or in this case a society, tells you something over and over again, to the point that you will start to believe it, while also questioning your own perception of reality.

You aren’t working…. you should feel badly… you should punish yourself non-stop until you find something… How DARE you enjoy one minute of your life, when you haven’t suffered at work all day?

I’m not a normal person. I don’t have a normal brain. I don’t engage the world in a “normal” way. For this reason, I’ve had to find my own way, the hard way.

If you struggle with dealing with the everyday world, then you can consider any of the approaches that I take, and see if they work for you.

Their opinions about me or my situation mean NOTHING. What a person thinks about me is none of my business. So it makes sense that what they think about my work situation is ALSO none of my business. They can keep it to themselves, and I will be bold enough to tell them as much.

Anyone who puts forth energy to complain about another person’s situation or happiness is probably unhappy themselves. Encourage them to mind their own business, and deal with their own happiness issues.

Remain mindful of media messages. Sometimes a story will put forth the idea that happiness is one of those things that must be earned. That’s a lie. I’m not talking a luxurious vacation here. I’m talking about just being happy.

Tell gatekeepers to fuck off. These days, it seems that every aspect of life has gatekeepers who want to berate others, among other negative activities. Anyone or anything that tells you or informs you that you must earn the right to be happy is gatekeeping happiness. That is, they want to guard the gate and deny you entry and access until you prove to them that you worked to earn it. I DO NOT report to them. So they can take a long walk off a short pier.

Be mindful of how you feel. Suppose that someone says something to you, or you read something in an article. DO NOT let it slide! Don’t give it a pass. Instead, stop everything so that you can focus on how you feel in that moment. If it’s an article, remind yourself of American bias against happiness. Americans are against anything that makes a person feel good, and that includes possessing strong self-esteem. If it’s a person, then please see the previous paragraph.

Remember that the world wants you to be miserable. Many people and institutions rely heavily on the negative messaging that our culture provides. It’s a type of demand of self-flagellation that is expected of a Christian Puritan society. I DO NOT buy into those beliefs or that lifestyle, and therefore refuse to comply with their demands for my misery.

Remember that the average person is VERY stupid. Stupid people say stupid things all day. They can’t help it. Consider the source of the comment, and then ignore both the source and the comment. They’re not worth anything.

If you have the tools and ability to step outside of depression and darkness, then don’t just let them sit there! Put them to work to your advantage.

Keep others in check.

Never internalize anything that anyone else has to say. The exception, of course, is when I hear things from trusted source, and I weigh out what they say to see if it is authentic and applicable. A friend’s words of support, or even constructive criticism, carries infinitely more weight than a conference room full of coworkers.

Tibo Bat doesn’t care what anyone says or thinks.
He doesn’t have a job, a list of chores, or even a minimum amount of bird or mouse kills that are required to access happiness.

If any of the above resonates with you, then I hope that it serves you well.

However, if it does not come off as being all that helpful, then I’d like for you to consider the fact that happiness lives in a collection of emotions, such as sadness. This raises a very important question.

Does anyone ever tell you that you have to EARN the right to be sad?


Then why should we treat happiness any differently? So DO NOT wait! You don’t have to earn happiness. If it’s there, then access it and do not ever feel guilty about it.

If you like what I write, then please consider sending a one-time donation to me via PayPal. Please use the following link and click SEND to donate, and thank you for reading!


Published by DrumWild

Writing about drums, music, and philosophy.

4 thoughts on “No More Waiting For It

    1. Hi. I am chegu Aziz wife. Just want to let you know that my husband just admitted in hospital. Falling while trying to help our cat from ceiling. Fractures 3 parts on his right leg. Doctor said 3 month on wheelchair. Will update again.


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