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Sunday Sermon: America, the Christian Nation

“Why can’t you convert and believe after you die? Well, for the same reason that I can’t forgive any of you without death and a blood sacrifice. Look, I don’t make the rules here.” –God, probably

For most of my life, I have encountered self-declared Christians who love to remind me that America is “a Christian nation.” Most of my life, the ONLY evidence I’ve seen that America is a Christian nation was our history of slavery and genocide.

Because there was so little evidence of Christian influence, I was skeptical of this clalim.

But in recent years, I have found a great deal of evidence that, indeed, America is a Christian nation after all. So it would only be fair that I put up the list of things I’ve seen or experienced that show me that America is truly a Christian nation.

If Christianity is about nothing else, then it is about the rules, laws, and commandments that one must follow, under threat of eternal damnation, if they are to be a Christian. I’m talking about going beyond the mere label that you get when you say that you believe, and nothing more.

These are things that are supposedly a big deal to Christians.

  • Homelessness: One way in which you can see Christianity in action in America revolves around how the homeless is treated. In America, we do it the same way that Jesus told us to do it. This is through harsh judgment, mockery, and telling them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Then we have the police harass them and move them from place to place, like shuffling around garbage.
  • Hunger and Starvation: People are allowed to starve to death on the streets, while megachurch pastors rake in millions of dollars. This classic Commandment of God has since been enhanced, to make it illegal to feed homeless people.
  • Lying, aka Bearing False Witness: Christian leadership, which has recently been extended to Republican politicians, is all about lying to people. They blame the problems of the people on the poor or immigrants, or even people in poor countries who have nothing to do with anything. They tell the lies to promote the Word of God, so it’s okay. God even mentions bearing false witness in his Ten Commandments, from the Old Testament, which doesn’t matter, except for the commandments and passages used to hate gay people.
  • Hatred: There is no shortage of hatred in the Land of God! Whether your a non-believer, one who believes in a different god, or one who simply messed up by choosing the wrong brand of Christianity, you will get hatred. This hatred also gets extended to non-white people, as well as the poor.
  • Judgment: If you feel that your life is lacking in judgment from complete strangers, then America has the cure for you! American Christians are VERY quick to judge. Along these lines, they also gossip heavily, which God is okay with completely.
  • Overthrowing a government and disrespecting the President: American Christian Republicans have no respect for the current American government, AND they have no respect for the current president, Joe Biden. With this one, I will actually reference a Bible passage, so please turn to Romans 13:1 to find out more about this.
  • Public prayer: God was ALL about public prayer. The idea is to do it in front of as many people as possible, and SHOW them that YOU are a good Christian. You can check out Matthew 6 to learn more about it.
  • Siding with the Rich Man over Lazarus: If there is one thing that American Christians can do very well, it’s picking a side in an argument, or in life. In this case, they’ve chosen to side with the Rich Man over Lazarus. You can look that story up in the Bible yourself and see how that ends up. Which one did God like more? Case closed.
  • Interest and debt: The Bible is very clear about how Christians should NEVER carry debt or charge interest. That’s how we’re living right now in America, with NO credit cards, no debt, and no interest. Cool story.
  • Keeping people, poor, sick, in poverty, and afraid: I can’t point to a specific Bible verse here, but every American Christian understands that this is the best way to get the best out of your population. I mean, you wouldn’t want your citizens being healthy, being more productive, having more money, spending more into the economy, paying more in taxes, raising a family, and enjoying life. That would be BAD for the government. Right?
  • For-profit prisons: 2.8% of American adults can be found in America. The police have incentive and permission to beat and imprison anyone they like.
  • Permission to worship celebrities and the wealthy: God was very clear about it when he said that he didn’t want to hog all of the attention. This is why he gave his believers and followers permission to worship celebrities and the wealthy, for the fame and money that they’ve grown for themselves. Because there is nothing more important than being famous and wealthy.
  • God’s Choice for President: Donald “TWO Corinthians” Trump was chosen by God himself to represent American Christians. He knows how to “grab ’em by the pussy.” He pays women for sex. He’s on his third marriage. He hates the gays. He gets an erection for his daughter. He lies constantly about everything, which is a most God-like trait. He places his own money and personal attention above the needs of others, even if doing so will cause them to get sick and die. He hates the poor, the non-whites, and the non-Christians with all that he’s got. There is nobody closer to God than him. Nobody. This is why the golden statue of him was approved by God himself, in the Bible. Graven images and golden idols area a-okay with God.
  • The Exclusive Club: When a Christian meets a non-believer, they do NOT show them the “love of Jesus,” invite them to church, or show compassion. That’s for losers! Instead, they judge and mock as they stand proudly as members of a VERY exclusive club. For, as God once told them, NEVER let the riff-raff into MY house! Stand tall, judge harshly, and kicketh them to the curb. Because you are special. If you weren’t special, then you’d be brown or poor.
  • Black Friday: They say that “Jesus is the reason for the season,” and what better way to express that, than to have a day where everything is “on sale,” and people are encouraged to line up in the middle of the night in the cold weather, waiting for a store to open, so they can beat a fellow Christian to death with their bare hands in order to get that doll their daughter wants for Christmas. Such a celebration of life!

This is not, by any means, a comprehensive list. But it does touch upon the high points.

America is the land where you get told on a daily basis that America is “a Christian nation.”

The sad thing is that they must tell us this, because NOBODY would ever guess it based on what they say and do.

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Published by DrumWild

Writing about drums, music, and philosophy.

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