Every so often, a memory returns to the forefront of my mind. I don’t know why this happens, or the purpose behind it, so I suspect that it is one meaningless link in the meaningless chain of nothing.
It was early December of 1990, and my future ex-wife got me a Super NES for my birthday. It had been released a few weeks earlier. I took it as something positive, and I was grateful.
Then, she decided that she would get a Super NES for each one of her 18 nieces and nephews. It is important to note that NONE of these kids OR their parents had EVER given us ANY gifts at all.
There were a few problems with this situation.
For one, my future ex-wife didn’t have a job and I didn’t have the money to buy these things. She got all of these Super NES systems at the Rite-Aid across the street from our apartment building. There was a manager/cashier named Tim who always looked at me with contempt.
So I can guess how she got these.
And they were in short supply, I would later learn, as she only got 17 Super NES systems. Yet all 18 kids got theirs.
When we got home from our Christmas trip to Bakersfield, to dump awesome gifts on the laps of the ungrateful, I decided that I’d just shake it off by playing some Super NES.
The problem with this idea was that she had packed my Super NES up and gave it to one of her ingrate relatives.
EVERYTHING GETS TAKEN AWAY
I have never really known how to view that gift in a positive light. I had it for maybe three whole weeks, and then it was taken away.
My suspicion is that the purpose of this gift was to serve as a distraction so that she could do her thing [ahem] to get paid in 17 Super NES systems.
In a bigger context, what does it mean when EVERYTHING gets taken away?
I used to have a great job that paid well. Then it got taken away.
I used to have the ability to get a new job within a few years. That ability has been taken away.
I used to belong to bands and perform as a musician on the stage, but that was taken away.
I used to be able to stay up really late, and that ability has been taken away.
I used to not need Diabetes medication, and that freedom got taken away.
There were lots of friends, acquaintances, and loved ones who were there, and then they got taken away.
The things I own today will probably end up in a trash heap after I get evicted or otherwise end up homeless.
Any type of happiness that I used to have got taken away.
There were women I sincerely loved, and for one reason or another, that relationship got taken away.
Everything gets taken away.
THERE IS NO REAL PURPOSE
With all of those jobs, opportunities, friends, loved ones, and possessions gone, one might wonder the point of it all.
There is no point. It’s all blah blah blah and then nothing.
Asking this question is a good way of ending up receiving a load of unwanted toxic positivity.
Their purpose was to make your life a little bit brighter.
Why is THAT a purpose? And it leads me to ask what MY purpose is, as someone who doesn’t make life a little bit brighter for anyone, including myself.
Then I remember: There IS no purpose.
Oh, you! Just cheer up.
Why? What purpose would that serve? To pretend to be happy? Even if I was truly happy, what’s the use in that? What does it do?
Nothing. There is no purpose.
There is no meaning.
There is no reason.
NO MAKE-BELIEVE REASONS, PLEASE
Some will say that you should believe in a god — of course, THEIR god — if you want to have meaning in your life.
This is not helpful, in any way, to those of us who are incapable of engaging in the ego-maniacal self-delusion that comes with sincere believe that there is some kind of god hidden away in the sky who doesn’t talk to you or interact in any way at all, and who demands blind faith and belief, so that you can avoid burning in fire for eternity and instead spend it on your knees bowing in worship for eternity.
Basically TWO different version of hell.
What’s the point in THAT?
So, no, holding superstitious mythological beliefs will not give me anything resembling meaning.
IF I HAD TO FIND JUST ONE REASON
It seems like the entire point to living life is suffering. Being a slave so that rich people can get even more rich and acquire more power, while they continue to take and take and take and take and take, to the point that we are trying to pay our ever-increasing expenses with less and less and less.
They keep raising the prices and lowering the pay, so they can get rich and have power.
So they can avoid suffering?
And money is a mutually-agreed-upon delusion that ultimately has no meaning.
IN THE END
There really was no point in writing this, since it is meaningless. So I’ll just keep on having my meaningless days, until one day, when the final piece gets taken away.