Farewell, Domino’s Pizza

INTRODUCTION
Given the fact that I’ve lost over 30 pounds this year, I still have a scant few bad things on my menu. One of those things is Domino’s Pizza. I usually order a thin crust on the days where we decide to not cook.

I initially started ordering online, until I called one time and was informed that calling in is the better way to order, because they can throw on discounts.

It’s far from being the best pizza that one can eat. There are other reasons to order, including convenience and the fact that they are local.

The problem is that the convenience is being taken away.


THE USUAL STEPS
In the past, the steps to ordering a pizza were relatively easy. I call the local store, and they answer. They ask if it’s for delivery or pick-up.

Then I tell them, “I’d like to get the same thing as last time.” They confirm that they have it. Then they confirm my address by saying it back to me. They ask if cash or card, and I read my card number to them and include the tip.

Pretty simple.

Well, Domino’s felt that maybe it was TOO simple, because they just turned it into an Autistic adult’s nightmare.


THE NEW STEPS
Usually, I expect to hear their automated answering service, where I get to hear about some new things for ten seconds, before being patched into my local store.

But THIS time, I heard, “If you are calling to order a pizza for delivery, please press 1.”

Okay. I press 1.

I get a woman on the line, and she asks me for my phone number. I thought this was odd, as they NEVER ask me for my phone number, because they already have it.

So I tell her my phone number. I have to say it THREE times because she can’t hear me, supposedly.

Fine.

Then, she asks for my name. What a nightmare! My last name has 13 letters. When I spell it to people, they will start spelling it back to me half-way through, AND they will get it completely and utterly wrong.

We spend THREE minutes on my name.

HER: And how do I spell your last name?

ME: It’s S-N-E-L

HER [interrupting]: Okay, I got F-M-A-O

ME: NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Then she asks for an address. Also odd, because they usually have my address right in front of me. I start struggling to give her the address, and she keeps getting things wrong.

I soldier through this unfriendly process.

Then she asks, “What would you like to order?”

I reply, “The same thing as last time.”

She says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t have that information here.”

So I ask if I can be patched through to the store, and she fights me at first, but eventually I get sent over there. Once transferred, I have the usual, decent, positive experience.

I told the guy on the phone about my experience with the call center and asked him if they were changing things. He said, “Yeah, they don’t want to pay all of us and want to get rid of some of us, so they’re doing that call center thing.”

I replied to him, “If I can’t do business by talking with YOU or your co-workers, then I won’t be doing business with the company anymore. I stand with YOU guys!”


ONE BIG PROBLEM
When it comes to pizza delivery, one big problem is gas prices. Who can afford to have this job, when you aren’t paid enough to cover the gas you have to buy?

Some brainiac once asked me, “Why dont you JUST get a job delivering pizzas?” Sadly, this question came from someone who supposedly understands Autism and why it is a disability.

Well, there are many reasons. I am not all that good at knocking on a random stranger’s door. I struggle to deal with people on the phone as it is, so putting us in-person would be disaster.

But an even bigger issue is the fact that I’d not be able to afford to have that job. I’d be working two side-jobs to keep my pizza delivery job. This is but one example of how Capitalism is failing, but I digress.

As a customer, I am charged a $5 delivery fee, AND I am asked to leave a tip. So delivery and tip can equal 50% of the cost of the pizza.

Everybody else is getting screwed so the Capitalist can get rich. And I see their “solution” to the problem. I have a better one.


TO SUMMARIZE THE PROBLEM
Domino’s Pizza may have already lost me as a customer due to this issue. As an Autistic adult, I can’t be in a position where I have to spell my outrageously long name AND my address, both of which they get wrong multiple times before we’re eventually on-track.

I don’t have 30 minutes for ORDERING the pizza.

Based on what I know and what I’ve read, it seems that the shortage of delivery drivers are an issue for them. Plus, they are doing things to discourage online ordering. With my order, online it’s $36, and on the phone it’s $25, both with $3 tip.

Delivery is the ONLY thing that gives Domino’s the edge over Papa Murphy’s. The thing with Papa Murphy’s is that you have to pick it up AND then bake it yourself. I’m really leaning more toward this, especially considering that the pizza would be fresh and better quality.

Yea, I think I’m moving over to Papa Murphy’s, moving forward.

This does not mean that I won’t offer some helpful advice to Domino’s.


MY OPEN LETTER TO DOMINO’S PIZZA
Dear Domino’s Pizza,

I understand that our economy is NOT friendly to anyone anymore. Gas prices are destroying us, just like they’re destroying Capitalism itself.

The ONLY reason why I order your otherwise shitty pizza is because of delivery. Delivery is easy because of your drivers. The people at the store know my name, know my number, my address, and what I ordered last time. It’s by far easier to talk with them than the call centers for me, as an Autistic adult.

So when your business decisions involve getting rid of the ONLY PEOPLE who inspire me to call your business in the first place, you’re losing me as a customer.

But why cut THEM, when they are paid almost nothing? That’s not much in the way of savings. And I know that you’ll be outsourcing these call center jobs to other Third World countries in the near future.

There is a place to cut back that you’re conveniently ignoring, and it would make a great difference in the prices and profits.

My assumption is that you have Regional Managers, and that you have many, many regions. Why have so many individual regions?

Combine the two closest regions into one and cut Regional Managers by 50%. When you double their work, make sure to cut their pay by at least 15%.

I feel that I can also safely assume that you have lots of executives who are paid very fat salaries, bonuses, and more. Why do you need all of them?

Cut the executive ranks by at least 60%. As for the remainder, fire them and outsource THEIR jobs to another Third World country. Of course, you can cut the pay to those jobs significantly before you send them overseas.

You have way too many fat cats on the payroll, and this is slowing you down.

So, how about you keep the people who do the actual work and fire the overpaid dead weight?

Sincerely,

DrumWild


IN THE END
The economy is fucked. The world is fucked. We little people are getting dry-fucked, and it seems that our cries for lube are being ignored. And, for me, Domino’s has decided to make their business unfriendly to Autistic adults.

The connection between Domino’s Pizza and Stranger Things is inescapable.

So this is where I declare that I will no longer be supporting Domino’s Pizza. Sadly, I was also going to start watching Stranger Things on Netflix, but may skip it because I cannot divorce them from Domino’s Pizza in my head.

I assume that workers are being screwed. Capitalism cannot function as expected if the people doing all of the work are being paid a dignified adult living wage. Someone has to get fucked over in order for Capitalism to work. As the person who typically gets fucked over, I cannot abide.

As it stands now, the workers are getting paid slave wages that cannot support life, and management is still complaining from their golden palaces.

There is no good way to end this, so I am going to end with two observations about Capitalism and the economy that do not require you to have a degree in business or mathematics.

Firstly, if people are not paid a living wage, then not only can they NOT afford to work for you, but they also cannot participate in Capitalism or the economy. Those who have money to spend are the job creators, and NOT people in suits.

Lastly, if you cannot afford to pay the people who work for you a dignified adult living wage, then you cannot afford to be in business.

Goodbye, Domino’s Pizza. It was sub-par, just below average, and you couldn’t even live up to the basics. And I am NOT going to invest extra time, effort, and expense so that you can fuck over your delivery drivers so the executives can have more money in their pockets.

To the Domino’s Executives, I have one thing to say to you that you always say to your employees and customers in a roundabout way. But I will be direct and unmistakable in my message.

Go fuck yourselves.


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Published by DrumWild

Writing about drums, music, and philosophy.

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